The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
A Scene in Carmarthen
A cheerful round table in a Carmarthen youth club room is adorned with a whimsical “GIRLS ONLY” sign, which playfully warns “Boy’s don’t Eneter!” and adds a cheeky note: “don’t worry boys!”. The vibrant hearts and stars decorating the notice contrast with the serious topic at hand. When I arrive, a dozen girls are already engaged in a spirited card game, their laughter mingling with the hum of conversation as a pizza order is placed.
The Girls’ Perspective
This visit forms part of my Radio 4 series *About The Girls*, where I conversed with approximately 150 young women, predominantly aged 13 to 17. Their discussions mirrored the lively exchange at that table—covering everything from school rivalries to social media trends and the debate over Cheese Feast slices. The girls were witty, insightful, and full of plans for their futures, like aspiring doctors or those who dream of owning a fridge with a vase space.
The Boys’ Influence
As I posed the question, “What is it really like to be a girl in 2025/26? Tell me the truth, don’t be polite!” the answers consistently referenced boys’ perceptions. “Well boys think/say/want/feel…” became the familiar refrain. This pattern echoed the Bechdel Test, a standard for evaluating female representation in films. The test requires at least two named women to discuss something unrelated to men—yet none of these conversations met that criterion.
“Growing up as a girl, so much of that is about how boys are behaving around you and what they’re doing to you. So there isn’t really a way to talk about that without mentioning boys… and it is frustrating,” one girl shared.
Insight from the Youth Centre
After the session, Alison Harbor, the youth centre manager, noted the girls’ openness. “The boys at the club are quite vocal,” she said, “and pretty confident in sharing their opinions. Today, the girls were the same! My worry is that they usually internalise a lot of their troubles…” Despite their candidness, the irony was that many described altering their behavior in mixed company.
Gendered Expectations
Girls expressed a desire to avoid being seen as “too much,” “too loud,” or “weird.” They aimed to be quieter, smaller, and less noticeable around boys. Teachers observed this trend, noting girls “keeping their heads down” or “flying below the radar.” Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a senior lecturer in psychology of education at the Manchester Institute of Education, highlights this pressure in her research: “There is certainly a pressure that we heard from young women around that—really translating into they need to be polite and respectful, and that they feel the behavior expectations on them were…”
