ALEX BERENSON: Gentle parenting can’t replace the strength of a good dad

ALEX BERENSON: Gentle Parenting Can't Replace the Strength of a Good Dad

Advocating for Fatherhood in a Culture That Diminishes It

ALEX BERENSON - For years, the media and cultural leaders have consistently undermined the role of fathers, casting them as less essential than mothers in the parenting equation. This trend, rooted in a broader critique of traditional masculinity, has led to a persistent narrative that frames men as inadequate caregivers. Feminist scholars often highlight the stereotype that fathers neglect domestic responsibilities or child-rearing duties, despite growing evidence that modern dads—particularly those from Generation X and Millennials—are more engaged in raising their children than their predecessors. This shift has sparked a debate about the evolving definitions of fatherhood and the impact of cultural perceptions on family dynamics.

Television programs, advertisements, and children’s literature have played a significant role in shaping this image. They constantly depict fathers as irresponsible and foolish, contrasting them with mothers who are portrayed as wise, all-knowing, and fully competent. This portrayal not only devalues men’s contributions but also creates a subtle pressure on fathers to conform to an idealized, softer version of parenthood. Studies have shown that fathers have a critical role in shaping their daughters’ mental health and their sons’ academic behavior, yet these findings are often overlooked in favor of narratives that downplay their importance.

One of the most recent developments in this cultural shift is the rise of the "gentle parenting" movement. This approach, while well-intentioned, emphasizes negotiation and emotional connection over firm discipline. As a result, it has led to a decline in the authority fathers are expected to exercise, with some parents hesitating to enforce rules or correct misbehavior. The author argues that this trend has eroded the foundational masculine virtues of stoicism, self-discipline, and respect for authority, replacing them with a more passive model of parenting that centers on empathy and compromise.

Personal experience reinforces the author’s perspective. With three children of his own—aged 7, 10, and 13—he has observed firsthand how the negative portrayal of fathers can overshadow their strengths. The cultural elites, he claims, have so thoroughly diminished the role of men in parenting that their influence is rarely acknowledged. This denial has consequences, not only for fathers and their families but for society as a whole. As the U.S. grapples with a declining birth rate, the lack of cultural support for fatherhood may discourage some men from starting families, further weakening the foundation of traditional roles.

“FATHERS PLAY CRUCIAL ROLE FOR DAUGHTERS’ MENTAL HEALTH, SONS’ SCHOOL BEHAVIOR, STUDY FINDS”

When fathers are absent or marginalized, the burden of nurturing shifts disproportionately to mothers, while boys may struggle to find strong role models. This gap in guidance has led some young men to seek inspiration from figures like Andrew Tate, who promote a toxic and misogynistic version of masculinity. The author emphasizes that boys must learn to become men through the example of their fathers, who are uniquely positioned to instill resilience and responsibility. Yet, he argues, the cultural elite seems to lack confidence in fathers’ ability to articulate their own value in the parenting landscape.

Recent opinion pieces in the New York Times have exemplified this trend. While these articles discuss fatherhood and masculinity, they are rarely authored by fathers themselves. The author suggests this omission is striking, much like the absence of perspectives from Black individuals in discussions about race when the Times focuses on other topics. This lack of representation, he claims, perpetuates a cycle where fathers are not seen as credible voices in their own advocacy.

For this Father’s Day, the author has decided to take a stand by publishing THE FATHERHOOD MANIFESTO, a concise booklet that combines a passionate defense of fatherhood with 50 practical strategies for fathers to excel in their roles. The tips range from the everyday to the profound, such as encouraging fathers to avoid overloading children with existential concerns about the future. One notable example is tip #17, which advises parents to refrain from frightening their kids with discussions about global crises like climate change or pandemics. Instead, the author suggests fostering a sense of hope and resilience, reminding children that human ingenuity has always triumphed over challenges.

“Whatever your private feelings might be about any particular problem, this attitude is the only proper response for any preteen child,” the author writes. “Your kids will have plenty of time to worry about the future. Your job is to keep those fears from them for as long as possible. If you are openly anxious, you are sentencing them to a lifetime of anxiety.” This approach, he argues, is not just about protecting children from undue stress but also about reinforcing the idea that fathers are capable of providing stability and guidance. While not every tip may work for all families, the author believes the message is clear: fathers should be trusted to speak up for their role, even in a world that often silences them.

Ultimately, the author stresses that the fight for fatherhood must extend beyond a single day of celebration. It requires ongoing cultural recognition of the vital role fathers play in shaping the next generation. Without this support, the author fears that the next generation of boys and girls will grow up without the strong, guiding presence of a father—something that could have lasting consequences for their development and the broader social fabric.

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Through this manifesto, Berenson aims to reclaim the dignity and importance of fatherhood, urging society to value the strength and authority that fathers bring to the family unit. His call to action is a reminder that while parenting styles may evolve, the role of a father remains irreplaceable in fostering the qualities that define strong, capable individuals.